Sunday, 19 August 2012

Reasons for Recent Blog Quietness...

Hello!

So it's been 18 days since I last did any form of blogging and I just wanted to give you all a quick update as to why this is....I can't say it's because I've been to busy, because I get almost every afternoon off and still have 2 days off every week and I can't say it's because I don't have any ideas, because I have LOADS! I've taken loads of pictures and stuff, but I just can't motivate myself to blog just yet.

Basically, in a nutshell, my depression has reached a new high in the last few months and recently it seems to have peaked and I just can't fathom doing anything right now. It's incredibly tough to just get up and go into work and pretend to be happy when serving customers (I'm sure that I must look utterly grumpy at times at work!) let alone blog about products I love in a super cheerful internet voice. I've always been quite good at keeping my depression at bay for most of the time and occasionally I'll have little out bursts where I will self-harm and then feel ridiculous and get it back under control, but recently I haven't been able to do this and everything is getting very overwhelming, with my self-harm also skyrocketing with it. I think what makes it worse is that I know what I need to do but I'm completely useless at talking about my feelings with anyone without joking about it in the hopes that that will, basically, fob people off to stop them worrying about me. Which is stupid really. The one person that I felt I could talk to about it once used the phrase "I'm not going to entertain that thought" when I once spoke about the fact that I had been having suicidal thoughts, which doesn't exactly instill confidence in talking to others really. I know I need to get some help though and maybe this week I'll get the courage to actually pick up the phone and make an appointment (I've done it before, so I don't know why it's so difficult this time round!)

Anyway, this is an utter debbie downer post but I will hopefully try to do a bit of blogging this week as it gives me something to focus on and stops me from focusing on how crap I feel at the moment!

I apologise for ruining your Sunday night with this post of depression!

Hope you're all feeling good and are enjoying the sunshine (if you have any where you are!)

Until next time,
xoxo

2 comments:

  1. I can't even imagine what you're going through Robyn - I thought I had been 'down' recently but I don't think it's anything like you feel.
    You can email me any time! xxx

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    1. Thanks Melanie, that's very kind of you :) I always feel bad posting things like this to explain my absence, I don't want people to judge how down they feel compared to how I do! If you're feeling down then it's always a bad time no matter how down you feel...if that makes sense?! I'm useless at describing feelings! Haha! I'm always here if you need to email me too :) We have a good old rant at each other and hopefully feel a bit better!

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