Tuesday, 30 July 2013

So here's the thing...

Hello!

So I've been a tad absent from blogging for a few months. I tried to do regular weekly posts but failed terribly with that, so I'm going to try and ease myself back into it again. Basically, I've had this massive blip in my mental health over the last few months and have been really struggling with how to deal with it. I was doing really well on the 20mg dose of Citalopram and had kind of thought that my depression days were done with. I know this is absolutely ridiculous because I know that I will always have depression but there was this teeny tiny part of me that thought that maybe that was it and it was all done and dusted!

However, there have been a few issues that have cropped up recently that have completely messed my head up again and, because I refuse to self harm, I literally have had no idea how to deal with feeling depressed. I know to some, that will sound weird but it's something I have relied on for so long that I honestly can't remember how I dealt with it before hand (except for comfort eating...and I don't want to do that again either!) The things that set me off have been a bit ridiculous and yet not at the same time. One in particular had me horrendously all over the place and itching to just fall back into old habits, but I think I'm slowly getting over it (again) but it's taking an awful lot of concentration to just not think so much (I have a terrible habit of over thinking EVERYTHING and I get quite frustrated when I don't know the answers to things. I know that I have to accept that I will never know the answers to some things because even if you ask, not all people will be honest about things - which may sound really pessimistic but it's true!)

So it boils down to this....can I keep blogging whilst still dealing with my mental health? Yes I can. Will it be frequent? Probably not. I have a few posts lined up that I will hopefully get sorted over the next few days of my holiday (in which I've been too ill to do anything so far. Awesome...) If you guys are really upset by my lack of waffling then I do have some new videos up on my YouTube channel because, funnily enough, it's easier to waffle to a camera than it is to spend time typing stuff up!

Anyway, thank you to any of you who have stuck by me, I really will be making a huge effort to step it up a gear with blogging even if it's just once a week. I really do enjoy blogging, I just find it hard to find the motivation sometimes and this is all linked with my depression. However, I can't keep letting it control my life and get in the way of things that I enjoy doing. So....in your face depression! I'm going to blog and I'm going to do other things I find fun too....like going out and watching movies and stuff. Haha!

Hope you guys have all been well and I'll blog soon, I promise!

Until next time,
xoxo

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